What I vowed never to do

Before I had children, I had a pretty detailed list of how I was going to parent. I was pretty certain on a number of things I would never do, and of the things I would definitely do. Today, whilst catching up with my old friend Lisa McKay (a talented author BTW - you should buy her new book) we were reflecting on just those things. We were reflecting on these lists whilst my 2 children did many of the things on that "I would never..." list and I was hardly even batting an eyelid, although looking back on it now I am groaning and cringing a fair amount.

This is how the hour of our catch up went:
It was within half an hour of dinner time, and I let the boys eat cookies (more than one each) and gave them juice (this was probably Noah's 4th taste of juice ever and Beau's 1st).
I let the boys eat their fruit squeezey packs before the main meal.
I gave up trying to feed them both the main meal (smoked salmon pasta) after about 5 minutes (I usually persevere far longer than this).
I gave Beau a cucumber stick and I just realized I have no idea what happened to that (apologies to Lisa's Aunt and Uncle if they find that in a day or two squished somewhere unpleasant).
I let all of the above happen whilst the boys wandered around the TV room where we were catching up spilling crumbs and juice everywhere. I think I did mention a few times to Beau that he should sit down, but in all truth, there was very little persistence on my part to enforce that requirement.
On the drive home I pulled into McDonald's and bought a cheeseburger and fries and shared the fries with the boys (though I did manage to evade Noah's questions about the name of this "dinner pick up place" under some misplaced belief that if he doesn't know the name of that particular "family restaurant" he may not pester me to go back there. Somehow I think the "salty, crispy, yummy, chips" are going to lead to a fair amount of pestering regardless of whether he knows the name or not).

So what are some other things on my "I would never..." list? A lot of them have to do with food, with bedtime and with sleep.

Food and meal times

I was pretty determined that I was going to cook one meal for my children and if they didn't eat it/like it,  they were going to be hungry. This was all good in theory and I even stuck to it a few times, but then I had a 12 month old, or an 18 month old, or a 3 year old waking up at midnight or 2 am hungry and demanding food or milk or both. In the end it is far better for everyone to make a vegemite sandwich or serve weetbix when the grilled perch and beans, roasted lamb & vegetables, or other nutritious meal is rejected. I can scream and cry and howl at my 18 month old all I want, but if he doesn't want to open his mouth, he won't.

Beau closes his eyes to avoid eating his dinner

I was also pretty determined I was going to introduce my children to a huge range of foods, so that they wouldn't be picky eaters. But following on from the previous point - well it is also far better for everyone, nutritionally, emotionally, to cook meals for them I know they will eat most nights of the week. I won't go so far as to only serve them one type of food - such as only serving them pizza (which I have heard of by the way - for breakfast, lunch and dinner 7 days a week), but I do often take the path of least resistance - googy eggs and soldier toast, frozen peas with every meal, smoked salmon pasta (besides tonights state of affairs this usually is a sure winner), spinach pie.

Sleep and bedtime

I was pretty sure I would have babies who slept through the night from 8 weeks. When Noah did sleep through the night for the first time at 8 weeks I gave myself a little pat on the back (after the initial panic about why he didn't wake). But it was short lived. Noah was 14 months when he began consistently sleeping through the night. Beau was 14 months old as well. Now at 3.5 years and 18 months Nathan and I rarely have a night of unbroken sleep. Between wet beds, bad dreams, wanting milk, being cold, and traffic noise we are really fighting a losing battle with this one.

I was pretty certain that letting your baby cry to go to sleep was the best method and wasn't that hard. That was until I had a baby and couldn't bare hearing him cry. The first night we tried "Ferber" with Noah I think I cried more than he did. I disliked it so much I hoped for 14 months with Beau that he would learn to self-sooth. He didn't. I know that after both my boys learnt to self-sooth to sleep they were both happier boys, but I never understood how hard it would be getting there until I had to do it myself.

I was absolutely never having children sleep in my bed. These days between the hours of about 2-5am we have either 1 or both of the boys in bed with us. I have given up fighting it. I just might buy a King size bed to accommodate us all.

Two little monkeys asleep in the bed

Other "I would never..."

I was not going to let my children watch TV. And whilst we have made the decision to not own a TV for this reason, I have to admit that TV, a DVD, or a downloaded episode of Sesame Street etc, is a  wonderful little entertainer when you have to jump in the shower, make a few phone calls, pay the bills, or many of the other everyday items on the "to-do" list which are best done without a child hanging on one leg or in one arm.

Oh, I could go on and on. But you get the picture. My before-children-I-would-never-do...list is out the window.

What about you? What was on your "I would never" list which you find yourself doing now that you are a parent?

Children's Books - A mother's perspective

When I was pregnant with my first son I remember reading in a parenting magazine a mother confessing that sometimes she skipped pages in the children's books at night so that her kids would go to sleep faster. I was quick to scowl and judge and for the most part I still do love story time 3.5 years on.

The ideal picture is 2 little boys, clean and fluffy from their bath. Snuggled into their pajamas and sleep sacks. Each jostling to gain enough space on my lap whilst we read their selection of 2 - 4 - 6 books. Beau even chooses his book and then shuffles clumsily backwards in his sleep sack until his little legs collide with mine and he collapses into my lap and opens his book selection.

Of course there is the reality as well. The fighting over whose book gets read first. The overtired crying when a favorite book can't be found. My complete exhaustion and waning patience. And I see myself 3.5 years ago looking so smug and self-righteous shaking my head and clucking my tongue at the poor mother who admitted to skipping pages to get through this last routine before peace and quiet. And I know I am her.

Yes, sometimes I have hid the book which my son was currently obsessed with and which I couldn't read one more time without going insane. I am usually aware I am getting close to this point when I can recite the book by heart. This has happened to many, many books, because lets be honest, children love repetition and routine. Even books I initially loved are no fun on the 1 000 reading or when they play through your mind at 11pm at night. Such was the fate of Puff the Magic Dragon for well over 3 months.

Yes, sometimes I have lied and said a book was missing, or left at someone's house, or in the car, or down in the playroom, if my son chose a book I really didn't enjoy. For example, the big brother book that refers to the new baby as a "poo-poo-head". I have also had to hide books which caused nightmares, such as Toy Story and Monster's Inc.

And yes, on occasion I have flatly refused to read a book because I just disliked the story such as the book at our doctors office called Big Nuisance which is about a giant in Japan who grows a tree in his ear or if the story is REALLY long such as the May Gibbs story of Chucklebud and Wunkydoo.

Yet despite how I feel about story time on many nights, there is of course the joy I know it brings to my children. I can see it when Beau dives for "Where are the Eggs?" every night for a month. Or when I hear Noah reading "Brown Bear Brown Bear" to Beau by heart. I started this bedtime ritual because I wanted to instill in my boys the love for books and reading that I have. On Pinterest (of course) recently I saw this pin

"I do not want to just read books; 

I want to climb inside them and live there". 

I can already see Noah is loving books this much when I hear him playing out the stories we read at night time or when he sits for close to 40 minutes whilst I read his current (VERY LONG) favorite, The Seven Habits of Happy Kids.

A couple of my friends have recently written great blogs about their favorite children's books, or the favorites of their author-friends. So along those lines, here are our family favorites in no particular order:

Iggy Peck Architect by Andrea Beaty & David Roberts
Head to Toe by Eric Carle
Brown Bear, Brown Bear by Eric Carle
My Subway Ride by Paul Du Bois Jacobs & Jennifer Swender
Ten Little Fingers & Ten Little Toes by Mem Fox
Possum Magic by Mem Fox
Wombat Stew by Marcia Vaughan & Pamela Lofts
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to My Daughters by Barack Obama & Loren Long
Chucklebud And Wunkydoo by May Gibbs
Dear Zoo by Rod Campbell
Where is the Green Sheep? by Mem Fox
There's a Map on My Lap:All About Maps by Tish Rabe
Green Eggs & Ham by Dr. Suess
The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson
The Gruffalo's Child by Julia Donaldson & Axel Scheffler
The Magic Hat by Mem Fox
On the Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman

So on that note, what are your favorite children's books? And how do you feel about story time at the end of the day?