Preschool Reflections

Its the beginning of a new school year and today for the first time both my boys are off at preschool. My first child free day in 2 years! What do I do with myself...?

I remember the first day I dropped Noah at his preschool in New York. I was anxious and nervous about how he would react to me leaving him despite a long transition period at the preschool during which we attended in the afternoons together for a couple of months. We had previously not managed to replicate the successful first separation at church and thus had actually stopped attending due to the amount of crying and trauma felt by everyone. But on his first day of preschool, having just turned 2, Noah hardly looked back when I said good bye and left him. He was happily playing and exploring in the classroom play kitchen with a class mate.

I however, was not so composed and walked home in the sleet and snow with tears stinging my eyes - tears do actually sting when its below freezing outside. My doorman offered my a consilatory rub on the back as he opened the door for me and commiserated about how hard he found it dropping his son at school for the first time.

Besides a couple of days of tears when Noah returned to preschool after the Christmas break in New York, the most crying I have had to deal with in relation to preschool drop off, has been Beau's crying when we left Noah at preschool and Beau didn't get to stay too. That even happened this morning - we dropped Noah off first and Beau cried the whole way back to the car because he wanted to stay and play with the play dough too! Meanwhile at his new preschool 10 minutes later, he marched off, uber-confident, yelled a "Bye Mummy!" gave me a quick cuddle and kiss and off he went with his teacher exploring his new playground. I meanwhile, still experienced some tears as I headed back to my car and headed home.

I am thankful though! My sister has had to cope with a crying child everyday of preschool for almost a year. I passed our GP on our way into preschool today, tears streaming down her cheeks as she left her infant son in care for the first time. My own mum had to cope with me crying every day of preschool for two years. I may have sent my son to his first day of preschool with a scratched nose and a black eye, but he was happy and excited about starting at "Beau's Preschool" like a "Big Boy". We will see how he is at the other end of a long day! Fingers crossed.

Although the seasons are vastly different across 2 different continents, both my boys turned 2 a week before starting at preschool, were expecting to become big brothers in approximately 6 weeks time and even wore the same pair of shoes! My babies, turning into big boys!

Separation Anxiety - A Mummy Affliction

Today was the first day I have left my baby with anyone other than family or close friends. It was also the day I realised that separation anxiety is something that afflicts mothers far more than it does babies.

We have begun attending Redeemer Presbyterian Church on the Upper East Side (UES for all those Manhattan-literate readers). Last week, being our first week, I kept Noah with us, and whilst he was a champion and slept for half the service and was exceptionally quiet for the other half - despite one well timed outburst of laughter, which received lots more laughter from the surrounding congregation - I knew that if we continued to attend, Noah would have to be introduced to "The Nursery".

So this morning, along with our good friends The McMichael's - who have adorable 8 month old twins - we were going to take the babies to "The Nursery", whilst we attended the service. However, when we arrived and Nathan discovered that "The Nursery" was in fact on a whole different building, ACROSS THE STREET, my reaction was quite simple. NO!

But after a couple of minutes, and some positive self talk and rational thinking, I conceded that MAYBE we could just have a look at "The Nursery" to see what it was like - BUT I was not saying we would leave Noah there.

So after navigating our way over the street, we found an army of well organised volunteers ready to guide us gently through the registration process. Noah's name, our names, our phone numbers, Noah's date of birth, filled out on several different cards. One for them, one attached to Noah's back, "Parent" necklaces for us, a beeper, and we were off to find the "Teal room - Infants/Walkers".

It was a small colourful classroom, with mats and toys and 2 other "Infants/Walkers" and 3 staff members. Despite being over due for a nap, Noah eagerly scrambled out of my arms to play with the new toys and the other babies. I stood anxiously behind him, sure he was going to wail and refuse to leave my embrace at any second and I would just have to take him to the service with me. He didn't. Didn't even look up when I kissed his head and said bye. He just kept right on playing like such a big boy. Outside the classroom, my heart was about to jump into my throat, my stomach was churning, and I turned to my husband with a look that obviously screamed, "Hug me NOW!" because he did.

I looked up with blurry vision to see Cora in the same state as me two classrooms down the hall where her twins where, tears streaming down her face, standing outside the classroom, where her babies were happily exploring their new surroundings. We both needed a hug.

Throughout the service I checked that beeper every 2 minutes. I checked that my phone was working every other 2 minutes. And my stomach was so churned up, I had no hope of concentrating on the service. There was no beeper, no phone call. We left the service early, eager to get up to the Teal Room and collect our sure-to-be-distraught-baby. As we rounded the corner to the classroom my heart sunk. Noah was crying and sobbing. I could hear him from down the hallway.

I have to say it was a wonderful feeling when he leapt into my arms and wrapped his arms around my neck, intwining his fingers in my hair for comfort. The carer told us he had only started to cry when the other parents arrived to collect the other "Infants/Walkers" and he looked around realising his parents where not there. Apparently, otherwise he played the whole time and was really "smiley and happy".

I guess next week we try to be back there before the other parents - though I am sure I will not be able to concentrate any better on the service, even with a "Smiley and happy Infant/Walker".