Separation Anxiety - A Mummy Affliction

Today was the first day I have left my baby with anyone other than family or close friends. It was also the day I realised that separation anxiety is something that afflicts mothers far more than it does babies.

We have begun attending Redeemer Presbyterian Church on the Upper East Side (UES for all those Manhattan-literate readers). Last week, being our first week, I kept Noah with us, and whilst he was a champion and slept for half the service and was exceptionally quiet for the other half - despite one well timed outburst of laughter, which received lots more laughter from the surrounding congregation - I knew that if we continued to attend, Noah would have to be introduced to "The Nursery".

So this morning, along with our good friends The McMichael's - who have adorable 8 month old twins - we were going to take the babies to "The Nursery", whilst we attended the service. However, when we arrived and Nathan discovered that "The Nursery" was in fact on a whole different building, ACROSS THE STREET, my reaction was quite simple. NO!

But after a couple of minutes, and some positive self talk and rational thinking, I conceded that MAYBE we could just have a look at "The Nursery" to see what it was like - BUT I was not saying we would leave Noah there.

So after navigating our way over the street, we found an army of well organised volunteers ready to guide us gently through the registration process. Noah's name, our names, our phone numbers, Noah's date of birth, filled out on several different cards. One for them, one attached to Noah's back, "Parent" necklaces for us, a beeper, and we were off to find the "Teal room - Infants/Walkers".

It was a small colourful classroom, with mats and toys and 2 other "Infants/Walkers" and 3 staff members. Despite being over due for a nap, Noah eagerly scrambled out of my arms to play with the new toys and the other babies. I stood anxiously behind him, sure he was going to wail and refuse to leave my embrace at any second and I would just have to take him to the service with me. He didn't. Didn't even look up when I kissed his head and said bye. He just kept right on playing like such a big boy. Outside the classroom, my heart was about to jump into my throat, my stomach was churning, and I turned to my husband with a look that obviously screamed, "Hug me NOW!" because he did.

I looked up with blurry vision to see Cora in the same state as me two classrooms down the hall where her twins where, tears streaming down her face, standing outside the classroom, where her babies were happily exploring their new surroundings. We both needed a hug.

Throughout the service I checked that beeper every 2 minutes. I checked that my phone was working every other 2 minutes. And my stomach was so churned up, I had no hope of concentrating on the service. There was no beeper, no phone call. We left the service early, eager to get up to the Teal Room and collect our sure-to-be-distraught-baby. As we rounded the corner to the classroom my heart sunk. Noah was crying and sobbing. I could hear him from down the hallway.

I have to say it was a wonderful feeling when he leapt into my arms and wrapped his arms around my neck, intwining his fingers in my hair for comfort. The carer told us he had only started to cry when the other parents arrived to collect the other "Infants/Walkers" and he looked around realising his parents where not there. Apparently, otherwise he played the whole time and was really "smiley and happy".

I guess next week we try to be back there before the other parents - though I am sure I will not be able to concentrate any better on the service, even with a "Smiley and happy Infant/Walker".