There are 2 possible reactions to this scenario from my daughter:
1. Her bottom lip starts to tremble and big crocodile tears well up in her eyes, or
2. She giggles conspiratorially.
Today she did the later. Clearly, she was trying to thwart my meagre parenting prowess to my friend who was observing from the other side of the computer screen. Upon observing all this, my friend then told me how they recently had guests who have made a conscious decision to never, yes NEVER, use the word "no" with their children.
I believe at this point, my jaw dropped open and my daughter took the opportunity to bite me again. For a split milli-second I contemplated not saying "no" to her. But what else does one say to a 10 month old when they bite you?
"I would appreciate it if you didn't bite me…"??
I am not convinced that at 10 months of age my daughter would have grasped the full extent of the message I just conveyed to her.
But I did try with my sons, ages 3yo (on Saturday) and 5yo, to use more positive language and eliminate "no" from my parenting vocabulary. I was unsuccessful.
"No Beau! Do not sit on your sisters head!"
"No Beau! Do not crash tackle your sister when she stands up in the bath! Even though you know that she is not supposed to stand up in the bath."
"No boys! I will not read you another story. It is way past bed time and Mummy just needs a time out! All this trying to not say "no" has done my head in!"
Ok. Well I am sure if I had put more effort into that last one, I could have found a way to eliminate the "no" from the message - though it would have still been there in the semantics, just not in my spoken words.
So tonight, after they were all in bed, and feeling pretty lousy about my failed attempts to not use the word "no" for an afternoon, I googled "Parenting trend don't say no" and first up on Google was none other than Dr Sears. Here is what Dr Sears had to say about "no":
"“No” is a power-packed word, quick on the lips, easy to say. Your child will hear you use this word often, and you will hear it from your child as well. It’s necessary for a parent to say “no” to a child so the child can later say “no” to himself. All children—and some adults—have difficulty delaying gratification. “I want it now” is a driving desire, especially in toddlers. Learning to accept “no” from someone else is a prelude to saying “no” to herself."
From this little introduction I take away that in fact saying "no" to my children is an important parenting technique, helping them develop a healthy internal dialogue and ability to delay gratification. Dr Sears did suggest 18 ways to say no positively and these I did read and take some comfort in them - I have definitely mastered "the look" and "the voice". Perhaps some I could take more heed of, and try to practice a little more. But "no" is definitely part of my parenting practice and parenting vocabulary.
What about you? Do you say "no" or are you a no "no's" parent?
No comments:
Post a Comment